Meeting with a couple for the first time, I ask them to describe what they want to have happen in therapy. What we witnessed as children often becomes the model for communication. Does blame and criticism show up in their communication with one another? I encourage couples to stay open and notice when they feel the need to defend or shut down communication. Couples learn to move out of reaction parts and instead speak their own needs. I want them to understand it isn’t about being right which often shuts down communication and leads to disconnect. As couples get a feel for being less reactive, they experience more choices in how they relate to one another, which leads to greater intimacy.
